‘Isn’t it just about what I want?’ — Five lies that keep us from our calling
THE FIVE LIES
There are five lies that we tuck into on a regular basis which keep us from recognising and following our calling. Let’s pick them apart and, in the process, discover how the truth is much better than we imagine.
Isn’t it just about what I want?—Five lies that keep us from our calling
This is number four in the Five Lies That Keep Us From Our Calling series.
Isn’t it just about what I want?
When I use the word “calling”, I am convinced that what many people think of is something akin to Joseph Campbell’s famous saying, “follow your bliss”.
With many other similar sayings besides, we could be forgiven for thinking that he meant we are simply supposed to follow what we want — another version of the “go out and get yours” philosophy which is very popular at the moment. Naturally then, the idea of our “calling” and “vocation” also just gets lumped in. But, I’ve got some news for you: it’s much better than that.
It has to be really, because, even though this idea of following or even getting what we want sounds great, it’s actually a pretty poor compass to navigate our lives by. I mean, sure, it’s good to be in touch with what we want and sometimes that is one of the first steps to moving in the right direction, but honestly, this idea of ‘what we want’ is so vaporous isn’t it?
From experience, I know that in the space of an hour what I want can shift wildly. One minute it’s a bowl of ramen, the next it’s world peace. One minute, I want to pray for my friends, and the next I want to flip off the driver who cut me up.
I mean, the first problem is the ego thing. What we want is often really selfish and self centred. Then, on top of that, we are so easily influenced by our circumstances that it’s hard to decipher the wants that will truly remain and are therefore worth following.
On top of that, simply following ‘what we want’ makes a fatal assumption about the human condition which so often makes us come unstuck. One example of this can be found in the divided structure of the brain. Did you know that brain studies can isolate which hemisphere of the brain is asked a question and which answers. When they do this, results show vastly different answers. From the most mundane questions even to the most profound: we are talking about things like a patient’s left hemisphere answering the question “do you believe in God?” with a simple “no”, while the right hemisphere answers “yes”.1
Yes, you read that right. In the same brain. At the same time.
Mike McHargue puts it this way:
“There are around 86 billion neurons in our brains, organized into hundreds of structures that have competing goals and priorities. Our consciousness is a consensus formed by these structures, and that's why we often have competing priorities: we want to be thin later and have pizza now. That's different brain structures at work.”2
We contain multitudes and contradictions. Contradicting emotions, moods, drives, passions and needs, all in the same body and even at the same time.
Surely we all know that confused feeling of getting excited about an idea or career path, only to shut it down when we realise that it’s an emotion that will probably fade just like all the others. We know how unreliable our feelings are. And it can sow a seed of disappointment and aimlessness that keeps us from our calling.
So, we are left with the reality that following what we want is confusing at best, but fortunately our calling transcends our short-term emotions and desires. It’s a calling because there is a caller. We can’t ‘call’ ourselves. We are called to something beyond us that is bigger than us, which we cannot plan or control. It doesn’t matter what you believe about it, what matters is whether you are willing to engage with it - to give it a try.
To some extent, it is a leap of faith, and this is precisely why it’s so good. Your calling is not just good, it’s scary good. It’s so good that it should scare you a bit.
If you are not a little bit scared of following your calling, it’s quite likely that you are simply following your feelings and there is still more for you to discover outside of your comfort zone. Your calling should test you, surprise you and draw new things out from within you which you didn’t know were there. It should make you afraid to miss out on it.
I call it scary good, because it is a fear. But far from being an alien state, when we have this proper fear taking the right priority in our life, we find a strange peace. Everything falls into alignment. We find freedom because we are no longer dictated to by our daily shifting emotions, reactions and habits. We have bigger, healthier fears, putting them into perspective.
Following our calling is not comfortable, it’s scary. But it’s scary good, and ultimately, the life of purpose that we need is on the other side of our little fears, our ego and our transient emotions; not within them.
So, in this age where we seem to welcome every fear except the one fear that can help us, maybe it’s time to reconsider the role of reverence in your life. Reverence is what we call a proper fear of things that are truly awesome and holy and sacred.
You can put your fear in its place by following this reverence humming within you. If you can be brave enough to take some things really seriously, then you can’t go wrong.
Now, if you’re wondering “how do I tell the difference between what I want and my calling?” then you’re not alone.
This is a very tricky question to answer because there is so much overlap between the two, and ultimately, it is not a question that someone else can answer for you. So what I’ve done is collected some prompts to help you recognise the difference between the two.
If your imagination, idea, opportunity or strategy offers you a few of the following, you are probably onto something good!
You know it’s your calling when:
It’s scary good: you feel a mixture of excitement and fear at the same time
It makes sense of many of your skills and passions
It paints a picture of a better world that you can be part of
It feels like a sacrifice that is worth making
You would seriously regret not giving it a try
You can’t quite explain why it matters so much
You have a love for it that goes beyond reason
It feels like a chance to offer yourself to the world
It feels like the perfect next step in your journey of growth
You feel a deep sense of inexplicable peace about the opportunity
It is a way to go deeper into life, service and connection with others
What do you think? Does this relate to your situation? Let me know in the comments.
Godspeed,
T Mo
If you want to find out more about this topic I would recommend the work of Iain McGilchrist and Andrew Newberg. Both have lots of interviews on YouTube which make the topic very accessible. McGilchrist’s book The Master and His Emmisary is a particularly fascinating deep dive into the nature of the divided brain.
Quote from this article.