Keep Your Baby Names Secret
HI FRIENDS
Have you ever noticed how strange people get when talking about baby names? If you’ve had this kind of discussion before, you will notice that people are very careful about what they share with others, even with their closest friends.
There is this unspoken understanding that choosing a baby name is a very personal act, one that requires a delicate balance of competing desires.
First, there is the desire to make a creative choice that somehow expresses the hopes and dreams and intuitions that both partners have for their child. It is a reflection of their uniqueness, tastes, values and character as a couple.
Then, secondly, there is the desire to choose a name that fits certain practical requirements which give the child the best chance in life; so it has to fit inside certain cultural conventions, in order to ensure (at the very least) they won’t get bullied.
For this reason, it’s totally expected and understood that people don’t tend to share their baby names willy nilly. If they share them at all, it is with close friends who they trust deeply. Because they know that a name that has been painstakingly agreed upon by a couple is like a fragile little green shoot. It can be so easily trampled by the reactions and impressions of others.
Whenever a name is shared, it is a fraught situation because if a name is met with any reaction other than “I love it, that’s a great name”, then even the most well-meaning responses or non-responses can ruin how you feel about it.
A non-reaction, like “oh, that’s interesting” can ruin a name.
A simple “oh, my sister has that name” can ruin your idea that your name was unique.
Even a good reaction, from the wrong person, can ruin a name: “oh God, I can’t believe they liked it!”
But we know all this, and so people are careful who they share their baby names with and at what time, making sure they have first given it a chance to grow and establish itself before showing it to the world.
My point is, we should be the same with our dreams.
When you become excited about a new idea or project, you want to talk to people about it. It’s natural. But this can often go wrong. When an idea or dream is still in germination, it’s like a baby name: it’s fragile and can be easily crushed by the judgements of others.
When an idea or dream is still in germination, it’s like a baby name: it’s fragile and can be easily crushed by the judgements of others.
And when we are just becoming excited about the possibility of pursuing a new path in life, if we’re not careful we can share it with others too early and their response, despite being well-meaning, can destroy our confidence and put us off the idea all together.
What a tragedy it would be to miss out on our calling because we keep letting our dreams be trampled by the stampede of public opinion, especially when in those early days the opinion that matters most is our own.
In the early stages, it’s a good idea to treat our dreams as if they are being incubated like little seeds in propagation trays. Of course, like seeds, they can’t stay there forever if they are going to grow. And like baby names too, they must be shared with the world eventually.
Ultimately we’ve got to find a balance between establishing our own opinion on important matters like these first, before carefully inviting others into them to gain advice, support and encouragement at the right time.
Godspeed,
T Mo
LINKS
Painter Valerie Lin shares her thoughts on this topic from a creative perspective, in a lovely contemplative style.